On a recent trip to that wonderful event called the San Diego Chargers, my buddy and I came across an interesting discussion of Mexican Americans and Mexicans from Tijuana that have moved into a place called Bonita. I was already on an awe because we took the trolley to the stadium and saw that one of the stops is literally titled, "Barrio Logan" professionally labeled on the route map. I have never seen anything in Los Angeles-Orange County that states Barrio anywhere on the contrary, the word barrio is quieted away, not really pronounced except maybe in Barrio Studies class if they teach those anymore or if ever did. In Los Angeles the name of the place will tell you the racial makeup of the barrio: East LA= Chicanos; South Central LA=Blacks, the ghetto kind, Silverlake=Jotos, the White kind with too much money; Inglewood better off Blacks though Mexican Americans lived there and once had a barrio called Ballona no longer there because of suburbanization; Manhattan Beach= Filthy rich Whites; Sherman Oaks= Israel; Chinatown=Vietnamese; Monterey Park=Chinese non American; MacArthur Park=Marasalvatrucha though most Salvadorians have moved or been deported; Glendale: Armenia; Pacoima=George Lopez; Pasadena=Old Protestant Anglo Saxon Money; Movie Studios=Jews who are Whites and La Habra=OC Chicanos who are part White.
We don't have the barrio in front of the barrio, the place speaks for itself but to have a Trolley stop recognition scored points in my radar for the simple fact that no matter how barrio meaning how brown poor that neighborhood is, it still deserves it's due recognition. I took a picture because it moved me. Then we saw the drunk fest called professional football and because we were crowded we would talk, how could we not? As we ate the fillers, we had a conversation with a person next to us who would share with us football talk, then city or county talk. It was exciting to talk to somebody whose only point of reference to Los Angeles was visiting Disneyland in Anaheim. I was kind of surprised but maybe I should not have been, it's not exactly I know San Diego that well but through 20 plus years of adulthood, occasional trips have driven me into Pete Wilson country. That Camp Pendleton always made it seem too far and too disconnected from Los Angeles as if in another time zone.
As trust ensued and I enquired about her Santa Muerte tattoo, she began to open up about work, family, city or residence and city of growth. She even admitted she was a proud bitch in high school who liked the trouble makers, cholo bad boys. After a while I asked myself, am I at a Raider game but she settled my jitters by saying she's outgrown all that, she enjoys football and is raising her daughter to the best of her ability. Then she stated she lived in Chula Vista but had grown up in Bonita. I knew Chula Vista or Chulajuana as she calls it as to imply a relationship to Tijuana though she had not crossed the border in years, it was too dangerous. My aunt lived there in the early 1980's, where didn't she live, and the E Street exit was one place. But then she stated she was raised in Bonita where all the "fresas" lived. My buddy didn't catch on but I knew that well off Mexican nationals were called "strawberries" as class competition from my teenage travels to Torreon, Coahuila. It carries an attitude of "we are better" that those poor folks, but I had only heard it in central Mexico.
When she further stated, "Bonita is full of those fresas, who think they are better than us Mexican Americans because they have money. They are the ones that are born there then move across and view us as inferiors". I was shocked and yet I wasn't because I have come to the awareness that Mexican nationals think they are better than those of us born in the US for the simple reason that we are too Gringo for them and in my case too Apache. My type of Mexican American is rooted in being Apache and my height proves it for me so I have always sense this ethnic national north divide because we are really different ethnic people and I don't even like their offspring even if born in the north, I still see them distinct because their history is not in the north but somewhere in Zacatecas or Jalisco.
But her comment came from somebody geographically born in the same California who for many decades were also not viewed as Mexicans even if born behind the border because they were too far from the center. My mother was born in the Rancho Cucapah of Mexicali near the Cerro Prieto Volcano and she has always been viewed almost an non Mexican and my father was a Yuma Apache and he always dealt with Mexicans thinking he was not Mexican because he was "Puro Indio" as my uncle and many would say, de sangre pura.
"Yeah, they think they are better than us because they were born in Tijuana, have money and we weren't. And I grew up in Bonita. We are different".
It left me bewildered because of their arrogance, who the hell do they think they are, whose the foreigner, the one with papers, I'll say it, the pollos but at the same time it shows how space really defines Mexican Americans. Mexican Americans are spatial creatures defined by space and though we might have names like them or look like them we are not. We are our own people.
Then I told my East LA buddy Ruben who told me, "Hey, they remind me of the Soldatenkos", who was the Cal State LA Chicano Studies chair who was trying to change the name to Latino Studies like an act of revolution. As we, the Chicano Task Force Committee debated him about what a Mexican American is, his answer was "I think we have a different definition". We went ballistic at that comment because he stated that our definition did not include anybody born in Mexico and we stated yes, but the arrogance of him a foreigner to attempt to tell us Mexican Americans who we were because he felt entitled to change the meaning of our definition, of those born in the United States. And what that showed was that he nor those born in Tijuana really give a damn about Mexican Americans. One can feel he can change our identity though he was born in Mexico City and ignore our comments and the others straight forward show that they do not like us because we were born in the US. At least the Bonita residents don't pretend to be inclusive, they out right exclude through their dislike. In my eyes there was nothing beautiful about Bonita and was glad I was given insight to an area I have no knowledge of. And that there are alot of Cholos who are coyotes but that's for another day.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
One Reason I Do Not Like Female Bosses
Is due to the fact that I have not had a positive experience with female bosses or potential female bosses. Does that make me upset, angry, macho hurt or all three? I will stick with angry because I returned to my memory and counted how many had rejected me and denied me my place of opportunity.
But how did I get here. I cam across the job specifications for a Chicano Studies position at Cal State Fullerton and as I read the qualifications, the minimum all wanted doctoral degrees but in fields that did not make sense like Spanish. Mexican Americans were not educated in Spanish because we are from the US, it was an elective but then we didn't comprehend it because they used Castellian and had a Cuban or a White person teaching the class and neither were comprehensible. Plus my brand of Mexican American was really Apache Spanish which was more Apache than Spanish and that Spanish was Nahuatl based like Chingado and pinche loco which meant Spaniards wouldn't understand what I said and neither would southern Mexicans.
Then I looked at the preferred qualifications and they have queer studies and feminism spelled out loud and clear. They wanted a queer emphasis which meant one had to be queer too, you just couldn't write about it and not be joto (NACS accepted term). What degree would be needed to meet that qualification? Then the feminism which meant that one had to be a woman and hate males (think of your father-Darth Padre) or be a man who thinks like a woman and hates being men or males. I couldn't believe it, what kind of soupy qualifications were being written up by these professors who professed to be Chicano. No righteous Chicano would hate on themselves even if they wanted to fight or be embarassed about his testosterone but I had doubts as I read those quals. Then feminism which I have always read as "I hate Mexican American men" but I know my mother would fight any feminist who hated on me so if I was beloved by one woman, it was the most important one, my mother, my jefa who would not hesitate to say, "defend yourself mijo, what kind of man are you?"
So I decided to defend myself and I thought about all those places where I have had female bosses and come to think about it I have been on the negative receiving end of female hatred in the work place. Though no fault of my 6'5 height and 320 pound body I found myself reciting like the lord's prayer the evil of estrogen and it read like this:
1. Trade Tech: I was not rehired by A Rodriguez because she did not like my style of teaching eventhough she admitted she would teach online because students would not enroll in her class. And she laughed proudly of that.
2. CSULA: I was given a needs improvement evaluation by Talavera though I had more teaching experience than her and had been teaching at that place longer than her in a subject (literature) she never taught. I should have gone with the interim gay chair's evaluation. His rebuttal was upset at my rebuttal because I was still recommended for employment but I would not have a needs improvement from an unqualified person. And I was rehired.
3. Southwest: At this campus where discipline is lacking I was not placed on the seniority list because I did not have the right hair and colour. This was a Black campus and the Black female chair SLee would not place me on the seniority list even though I taught online for her and wrote the class up and got approved. She even admitted she did not place me on the seniority list and the union bylaws do not protect me against not being rehired and I wasn't.
4. CSULB: I once was hired to teach US history courses after 5 years of trying and being denied by the elder White woman who recently died. Though I was hired by a prolabor historian Quamwickham I learned why: 8 am classes. I learned full time faculty do not like to teach at those hours and have to get up so early. I had to rough it out in traffic and traffic sometimes got the best of me. Then I was evaluated and was not given a good one because I critiqued country club unions and that went counter to this White woman's lifestyle. Unions protected her but not me from her. Though in Chicano Studies where they placed on the Mexicans and even those that looked Mexican even though they were not, I was given satisfactory evaluations teaching courses that overlapped.
5. ELAC: those that know me know I was denied tenure at this place even after being recommended for tenure and them changing their votes from yes on Friday to No on Monday. I was thrashed by the Greek Woman in Chicano Studies who was the chair because I did not do as she pleased. Why should I have been a toy? I didn't go to college for that and she testified against me even though she was not around the last year because she resigned as chair and took a leave though her word meant more even as she had not been on campus during the 4th year. She could do no harm.
6. Loyola Marymount: even though I was being fired from ELAC, Loyola Marymount hired me as visiting professor. To be fired from ELAC which they didn't, I continued teaching but not as a full time faculty, I had seniority for part time then be hired by a 4 year institution was a redemption of the first class. How could they compete? I give props to Graciela Limon who hired me even after I informed her of ELAC though by reference of my former student Jorge Fajardo, a male who defended me and married me off once as the minister of ceremony. Unfortunately, Limon left in mid term for retirement and left me unprotected or without my manager. The other faculty was a female named Davalos who believed she was the superior one and Ms. Feminism a la macho, cried wolf to the Dean an Asian and ELAC's academic affairs vp badmouthing led to my ouster for I had no protection. Though Graciela Limon asked me to receive a female educator award on her behalf and when I showed up I was asked by Davalos what was I doing there and proudly I stated: "I'm here to pick up Graciela's award". I took a picture with other female recepients and enjoyed the moment that a woman of stature would confide in me a tall male to accept an award over a female feminist colleague. Revenge was sweet even if I was not employed the following year. It's the Apache blood I carry.
7. CSUDH: At this place I had resigned out of protest because (it was part time) the Black dean wanted to weaken the Chicano Studies Department and he did so by hiring a White woman named Irene Morris over a much more experience author Antonio Rios Bustamante. The Dean simply gave her the job and ignored the varous student and faculty suggestions. All S. Williams could say was that Rios was wierd. Some dean. The hiring of Morris meant that myself and others would not be rehired regardless of our experience and accomplishments. She was going to imposte her own female white view on Mexican Americans.
8. Santa Ana: this was the best where I interviewed for a miserable 1 class in Ethnic Studies. The commitee was made up of 6 women and the dean, another woman who was White. Though I did not show any botherness, I was suspicious of the all women committee. By this time in my life I had learned do not trust women and this place was evident. I presented the material the best I ever had and no call. I should have wore a dress. And this happened when I taught upper division at CSULB so it was funny to see their reactions because they did not know what they were questioning me on for it wasn't Ethnic Studies-they were instructors from different fields and that is what angered me the most. No hire there.
9. Female union reps have also been dismal at ELAC: A C Castro and A. Ornelas would not represent me in union matters though they were mandated to by district laws. Castro stated to me she would not be objective with me and shoved me off to somebody who wore a wig and did not know the union contract. Ornelas was worse, she didn't return my calls after one conversation. So here I distrusted both the union and females.
In summary, I have learned that I do not like female bosses because they are allowed to be male prejudice and they get away with it with no legal ramifications because they are protected under civil rights laws but a brown man like me has to take the violence and is not even able to defend himself. Even when filing harassment reports to no avail, the women are more protected. At least with male bosses including Whites I have had fairer opportunities if not the best scenario.
For the CSUF announcement a letter of protest was sent with other males but we are not sure it will succeed or better said, we don't expect it to. Not in this climate.
I trust the devil more.
But how did I get here. I cam across the job specifications for a Chicano Studies position at Cal State Fullerton and as I read the qualifications, the minimum all wanted doctoral degrees but in fields that did not make sense like Spanish. Mexican Americans were not educated in Spanish because we are from the US, it was an elective but then we didn't comprehend it because they used Castellian and had a Cuban or a White person teaching the class and neither were comprehensible. Plus my brand of Mexican American was really Apache Spanish which was more Apache than Spanish and that Spanish was Nahuatl based like Chingado and pinche loco which meant Spaniards wouldn't understand what I said and neither would southern Mexicans.
Then I looked at the preferred qualifications and they have queer studies and feminism spelled out loud and clear. They wanted a queer emphasis which meant one had to be queer too, you just couldn't write about it and not be joto (NACS accepted term). What degree would be needed to meet that qualification? Then the feminism which meant that one had to be a woman and hate males (think of your father-Darth Padre) or be a man who thinks like a woman and hates being men or males. I couldn't believe it, what kind of soupy qualifications were being written up by these professors who professed to be Chicano. No righteous Chicano would hate on themselves even if they wanted to fight or be embarassed about his testosterone but I had doubts as I read those quals. Then feminism which I have always read as "I hate Mexican American men" but I know my mother would fight any feminist who hated on me so if I was beloved by one woman, it was the most important one, my mother, my jefa who would not hesitate to say, "defend yourself mijo, what kind of man are you?"
So I decided to defend myself and I thought about all those places where I have had female bosses and come to think about it I have been on the negative receiving end of female hatred in the work place. Though no fault of my 6'5 height and 320 pound body I found myself reciting like the lord's prayer the evil of estrogen and it read like this:
1. Trade Tech: I was not rehired by A Rodriguez because she did not like my style of teaching eventhough she admitted she would teach online because students would not enroll in her class. And she laughed proudly of that.
2. CSULA: I was given a needs improvement evaluation by Talavera though I had more teaching experience than her and had been teaching at that place longer than her in a subject (literature) she never taught. I should have gone with the interim gay chair's evaluation. His rebuttal was upset at my rebuttal because I was still recommended for employment but I would not have a needs improvement from an unqualified person. And I was rehired.
3. Southwest: At this campus where discipline is lacking I was not placed on the seniority list because I did not have the right hair and colour. This was a Black campus and the Black female chair SLee would not place me on the seniority list even though I taught online for her and wrote the class up and got approved. She even admitted she did not place me on the seniority list and the union bylaws do not protect me against not being rehired and I wasn't.
4. CSULB: I once was hired to teach US history courses after 5 years of trying and being denied by the elder White woman who recently died. Though I was hired by a prolabor historian Quamwickham I learned why: 8 am classes. I learned full time faculty do not like to teach at those hours and have to get up so early. I had to rough it out in traffic and traffic sometimes got the best of me. Then I was evaluated and was not given a good one because I critiqued country club unions and that went counter to this White woman's lifestyle. Unions protected her but not me from her. Though in Chicano Studies where they placed on the Mexicans and even those that looked Mexican even though they were not, I was given satisfactory evaluations teaching courses that overlapped.
5. ELAC: those that know me know I was denied tenure at this place even after being recommended for tenure and them changing their votes from yes on Friday to No on Monday. I was thrashed by the Greek Woman in Chicano Studies who was the chair because I did not do as she pleased. Why should I have been a toy? I didn't go to college for that and she testified against me even though she was not around the last year because she resigned as chair and took a leave though her word meant more even as she had not been on campus during the 4th year. She could do no harm.
6. Loyola Marymount: even though I was being fired from ELAC, Loyola Marymount hired me as visiting professor. To be fired from ELAC which they didn't, I continued teaching but not as a full time faculty, I had seniority for part time then be hired by a 4 year institution was a redemption of the first class. How could they compete? I give props to Graciela Limon who hired me even after I informed her of ELAC though by reference of my former student Jorge Fajardo, a male who defended me and married me off once as the minister of ceremony. Unfortunately, Limon left in mid term for retirement and left me unprotected or without my manager. The other faculty was a female named Davalos who believed she was the superior one and Ms. Feminism a la macho, cried wolf to the Dean an Asian and ELAC's academic affairs vp badmouthing led to my ouster for I had no protection. Though Graciela Limon asked me to receive a female educator award on her behalf and when I showed up I was asked by Davalos what was I doing there and proudly I stated: "I'm here to pick up Graciela's award". I took a picture with other female recepients and enjoyed the moment that a woman of stature would confide in me a tall male to accept an award over a female feminist colleague. Revenge was sweet even if I was not employed the following year. It's the Apache blood I carry.
7. CSUDH: At this place I had resigned out of protest because (it was part time) the Black dean wanted to weaken the Chicano Studies Department and he did so by hiring a White woman named Irene Morris over a much more experience author Antonio Rios Bustamante. The Dean simply gave her the job and ignored the varous student and faculty suggestions. All S. Williams could say was that Rios was wierd. Some dean. The hiring of Morris meant that myself and others would not be rehired regardless of our experience and accomplishments. She was going to imposte her own female white view on Mexican Americans.
8. Santa Ana: this was the best where I interviewed for a miserable 1 class in Ethnic Studies. The commitee was made up of 6 women and the dean, another woman who was White. Though I did not show any botherness, I was suspicious of the all women committee. By this time in my life I had learned do not trust women and this place was evident. I presented the material the best I ever had and no call. I should have wore a dress. And this happened when I taught upper division at CSULB so it was funny to see their reactions because they did not know what they were questioning me on for it wasn't Ethnic Studies-they were instructors from different fields and that is what angered me the most. No hire there.
9. Female union reps have also been dismal at ELAC: A C Castro and A. Ornelas would not represent me in union matters though they were mandated to by district laws. Castro stated to me she would not be objective with me and shoved me off to somebody who wore a wig and did not know the union contract. Ornelas was worse, she didn't return my calls after one conversation. So here I distrusted both the union and females.
In summary, I have learned that I do not like female bosses because they are allowed to be male prejudice and they get away with it with no legal ramifications because they are protected under civil rights laws but a brown man like me has to take the violence and is not even able to defend himself. Even when filing harassment reports to no avail, the women are more protected. At least with male bosses including Whites I have had fairer opportunities if not the best scenario.
For the CSUF announcement a letter of protest was sent with other males but we are not sure it will succeed or better said, we don't expect it to. Not in this climate.
I trust the devil more.
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